Week 11: Show Up Armor Free: “Do” Vulnerability!
Incident #1:
I approached the door of a classroom where a grade team meeting was being held, balancing a box of file folders, my iPad, and a clipboard with papers. Using my elbow, I knocked on the door. A male teacher glanced in my direction but continued working. I knocked again, expecting that he might open the door and hold it for me. Instead, he opened it about six inches and let go of the handle. Realizing what was happening, I used my entire body to swing the door open, quickly stepping inside before it could slam shut.
Incident #2:
Standing in the hallway, my right hand on my hip as I monitored the last few minutes of a hallway transition, a female student walked straight into my arm. There was ample space for her to pass, but she kept walking. This was the second time this student had done this. On both occasions, she accused me of being in her way. The first time, she didn’t acknowledge her actions, and when I stopped her to address it, she dismissed my concerns. The second time, she again failed to take responsibility, and I was left questioning how to respond.
Take the first step toward leading confidently and calmly, even in the face of uncertainty.
These two incidents triggered similar emotions. I felt unseen, unworthy, and disregarded. I became angry—not because of my role in the building but because, as a human being, I expected basic respect. While I was more forgiving of the child, I still felt deeply hurt by both situations. A conversation, whether with a third party or directly with those involved, seemed like the logical next step. However, my “armor” was strong, and I chose to avoid the "rumble"—the vulnerable conversation that could have led to a deeper understanding but also left me exposed.
Why did I think it was okay to opt out?
I wasn’t ready for such a conversation. Vulnerability felt unsafe with individuals who had already shown they could hurt me. In my workplace, vulnerability often equated to weakness. This was a myth, as confirmed by Brené Brown.
Reflecting on these moments motivated me to seek literature that could help me develop the leadership skills I felt I lacked. Having experienced domestic violence during the latter part of my ten-year marriage (now dissolved), I was familiar with the concept of armor. Brené Brown’s Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts resonated deeply. She describes armor as a protective barrier we create to shield ourselves from discomfort and uncertainty. My armor had served me well during my marriage and in situations like these incidents, where it led me to self-blame and dismiss my feelings of harm. It allowed me to downplay the emotional impact, convincing myself that these experiences didn’t matter.
For instance, I rationalized the teacher’s behavior as his issue—a reflection of his ignorance—and told myself that ignoring his intent would shield me from its impact. Similarly, I downplayed the student’s actions, convincing myself they were insignificant. But the truth is, they do matter. Both incidents mattered because how I felt about being treated mattered. When left unaddressed, these moments fortified my armor, reinforcing my feelings of being unseen, unacknowledged, and undervalued.
This artwork I encountered at Virginia's Museum of Fine Art, The Huntress, 2010 (S. Ross Browne, born 1969), deeply resonated with me as an Afro-woman leader.
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Brown emphasizes that courageous leadership demands shedding our protective armor and showing up authentically, even when the outcome is uncertain. This act of vulnerability challenges us to confront discomfort and embrace the unknown with courage. This begins with learning to “rumble with vulnerability.” She defines this as engaging in tough conversations where we listen with the same passion we want to be heard and lean into uncertainty. For someone like me, whose value of harmony has often led to avoiding conflict, this message was both unsettling and transformative. It challenged my instincts while empowering me to embrace a new way of leading with authenticity and courage.
The work of leadership — no doubt — requires courage. We fall short as leaders when we internalize hurt and avoid vulnerability. Our unwillingness to “rumble” compromises our values and authenticity. Brown explains that internalizing adverse words or actions fortifies our armor, hardening our hearts and leading us to act out of alignment with our values. For example, retaliating against the teacher for his rudeness would betray my commitment to kindness and compassion.
So, what is a new school leader to do?
Practice courageous leadership by choosing vulnerability. This means showing up without armor, even when the outcome is uncertain. Avoiding vulnerability allows fear to drive our behavior, leading us to shut down or act out. After these incidents, I began to shut down. I knew this wasn’t healthy—not in leadership, and not in life.
As Brené Brown reminds us, “Vulnerability is having the courage to show up, with a whole heart and armor-free, when you can’t control the outcome.” For those of us who equate vulnerability with fragility, this idea can feel revolutionary. We’ve been taught to project strength at all times, believing it shields us from harm. Yet, embracing vulnerability is not about weakness; it’s about authentic courage—a topic I look forward to exploring further in a future post.
Lesson #11:
Show up armor-free. Do vulnerability. Embrace vulnerability as an essential component of courageous leadership. By addressing vulnerability from a place of awareness, we gain the strength to face truths we’ve avoided and foster trust within our communities. When people trust each other, they feel safe to show up authentically, without armor, and engage in meaningful growth.
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Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts by Brené Brown [More from Brené Brown: Visit her website]
Originally written in 2019
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Do you have any questions or would like to join the conversation? Reach out anytime! And while you're here, don’t miss out on Antiguan in America: A Racial Autobiography. Dive deeper into the journey of building your racial awareness and disrupting systemic inequities—Purchase your copy now. See you in the next post!
